Phobias

Agraphobia-Fear of sexual abuse.
Gephyrophobia-Fear of bridges or of crossing them.
Carcinophobia-Fear of cancer.
Lockiophobia-Fear of childbirth.
Xenophobia-Fear of strangers.
Lilapsophobia-Fear of hurricanes or tornadoes.
Demophobia-Fear of mobs, or big crowds.
Virginitiphobia-Fear of rape.
Harpaxophobia-Fear of being robbed.
Podophobia-Fear of feet.
Coulrophobia-Fear of clowns.
Agoraphobia-Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places. Fear of leaving a safe place.


Okay, obviously I don't have all these phobias because my fears aren't that extreme (except for the one about bridges, and feet but you know) but it's funny to see what they're called. :]

What Do You Want From Me

Okay, I know this is going to be lame but I heard this on VH1 this morning and I think it fits right now. Like, scarily fits.

Hey, slow it down whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah I’m afraid whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
When I would give myself away
Oooh once upon a time I didn’t give a damn
But now, here we are so whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

(CHORUS)
Just don’t give up I’m workin it out
Please don’t give in, I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it’s plain to see (plain to see)
that baby you’re beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
(nothing wrong with you)
It’s me, I’m a freak (yeah)
but thanks for lovin’ me
Cause you’re doing it perfectly
(it perfectly)

Yeah, there might have been a time
When I would let you slip away
I wouldn’t even try
But I think you could save my life

(CHORUS)

Just don’t give up on me
(uuuuuuh) I won’t let you down
No, I won’t let you down

(So I) just don’t give up
I’m workin it out
Please don’t give in, I won’t let you down
It messed me up (It messed me up)
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me

(CHORUS)

Okay, so it might be Adam Lambert but it's an okay song and I'm actually really freaked out by this. Especially this morning. It's like, I think I have it all figured out right, and then I freak out again. He's only the SECOND PERSON EVER who I've told what happened...Like, the whole story. And I mean, he didn't freak out which I was expecting him to but I don't know if it's going to change anything.

Okay, don't get me wrong. He's attractive. REALLY ATTRACTIVE. I seriously think the only thing that would make him more attractive is if he got his eyebrow pierced. :] But anyways, I just feel like things are going really fast and this is going to end up being a completely sexual relationship. And like part of me is okay with that but I don't want him to think that I'm going to give it all up, because I'm not. PUT A RING ON IT. And by ring, I mean wedding ring, not purity ring.

Okay, so as stupid as it sounds I still consider myself a virgin. I mean, I know technically I'm not but I feel like since my virginity was taken under someone else's circumstances it's fair for me to still be a virgin. Does that make any sense at all? It does to me. Like, I want to talk to him about it but he's not a very talkative person. Like talkative about our feelings. I sound like such a girl. I'm just confused. Messed up. Do I regret anything that happened in the past few days? I DON'T KNOW. That's what's scary. I don't want to let myself get into another situation like that. And, okay, I know it happened two years ago but this whole Cameron thing is seriously just bringing back all that shit. FML.

I Kissed A BOY

I have so much to think about right now. This is so messed up. Okay, I mean I like Cameron A LOT. But seriously all I could think about in his car was being in Tim's car, and look how that turned out. I honestly thought I was over all this shit. SERIOUSLY. I don't want to be having these trust issues for the rest of my life. This shit is all fucked up. How can one guy have done this to me? REALLY?! I'm afraid this is going to turn me off of all potential relationships. I'm never going to get over this. I need to talk to someone.

SEAN IS COMING OVER FOR DINNER NEXT WEEK! I could not be more excited. I love Sean. I LOVE HIM. And I'm going to tell him all about this problem and all about everything and we're going to talk it out and be best friends. I love Sean. And I don't care if he's like 30. He's a good friend and he's going to come over for dinner and we're gonna talk it out and work it out and everything's going to be good.

I can't help but think that Cameron is just playing me. I don't believe him when he says he doesn't have a girlfriend. I don't. But I don't want to bug him about it because part of me believes he's being sincere. I don't know it's a little sketch. But we're going to hang out today so I guess we'll see what's up? I don't know. This whole situation is just a little screwy right now. Maybe this whole thing is just in my head. Maybe we just had a really good night and I'm just looking for ways to sabotage it. THIS IS SO MESSED UP. I wish I had superpowers that would let me know whether or not someone was telling the truth.

I don't want to go through this again.

AHH

I really want to start blogging again but I have no idea what to blog about. So what I want is some topics and then maybe I can start again.

So if you have a topic you should let me know!!

Shake It

I haven't been on this thing in ages it feels like. I've had so much I feel like I need to talk about but I haven't been able to get my thoughts straight enough to do that. I need to get on this when my thoughts are straightened out enough to where I can actually say something meaningful. I have a lot to say.