Razor Blade

Oh no, my feelings are more important than yours.
Oh, drop dead, I don't care, I won't worry.
Let it go.

I want to say that that's how I feel about him, but it's not. We talked last night. Yeah I know, great idea talking to the person who stole your most precious virtue, but it seemed like the right time. What did I find out? Just that he cares for me and wants us to work things out when we can and that he will always love me. I know it's a load of bullshit but I can't help but to believe him. I guess that's the way it works. Someone breaks your heart but you can't help but go back to him. I hate to say that I'm confused about him. A part of me still believes he's good. It's like I still believe everything he told me. But what the fuck does that matter anyways? He raped me. And yes, I've finally said it. It's the first time those words have ever slipped from me. But it's the truth. And you can't hide from the truth can you? For so long I've been playing it down. Like it was nothing. We were just kissing and it got out of hand. But that's now how it went down. Not at all. And I think I can finally realize that. I know I should let him go. I know I need to forget about him and try to resume a normal life, but that's not possible. At least not now. When we talk on the phone he's just a completely different person. I don't know how to describe it. When I see a picture of him I feel like I have to throw up... I don't feeling like diving that deep into myself right now. I have to finish that puzzle (<3) before my crazy friends come over and tear it all up. Love you guys.